4 pups and a Puss

2007-02-03T13:55:00.000-05:00

I am sad to report that Schmoo is no more. Sometime last night she found something and choked on it. I didn't find her until this morning, when I went looking.

We're all sad, as she was just One Of The Dogs.

Meet Schmoo

2007-01-31T12:28:00.000-05:00

See Schmoo control the alignment of the planets.

Dude.

Who wants a mai-tai? *me...*

Is it warm in here?

oo..swingy thing on a dogs butt..

I haf yoo naeow...yoo air alll undair my contrrrrol!

Lily Goes To The Spa

2006-12-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

Lily went to the Spa yesterday, for some drug-enhanced body-waxing experience. While she was there they took out her internal girly bits, so she wouldn't make babies with the pit bull that keeps coming around. Anyway, she's doing fine, a bit sore, perhaps,and definitely a little annoyed by the Brazilian.

2006-11-28T12:02:00.000-05:00

Daisy

2006-10-31T10:52:00.000-05:00

#4 aspires to be a poet. Several days ago he wrote a poem about our weinerdog, Daisy.

DAISY

Daisy is Smart.

Daisy is cute.

Daisy is quite. (quiet)

Daisy just lays there.

I like Daisy.

The End.

Girl Meets Toad

2006-10-27T17:11:00.000-04:00

Daisy has a thing for toads. You'd think, with enough experience, she'd give them up. No.

She spies a toad.

She noodles it into an accessible position.

She gives it a lick, then a nibble, and another lick.

Lacy investigates.

It's hard to tell, but she has a foam mustache. Toads make her look as though she's brushed her teeth and forgot to rinse.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true...

2006-09-20T14:17:00.000-04:00

Daisy is our Hound. Dachshunds are hounds anyway, but Daisy is the Uber-Hound. She is sweet, gentle, and unassuming. She has big, moist eyes that can levitate tasty nibbles right off the plate. She's modest, as dogs go, prefering to poop behind the wall instead of on the patio like her lazy and entitled sisters.
She sleeps alot, on her daisy bed, prefacing her many naps with loud, drawn out yaaawwwwwnnsss *smack*smack*.

This is a series of photos I took over a period of several days. No commentary, I think they speak for themselves.

Dignity? I don't want no stinkin' Dignity!

2006-09-18T14:36:00.000-04:00

My dogs are capable of disarming goofiness. Just when you think they're going to be dignified and you can take a becoming photo of them, they do something silly. Really, in my opinion, that makes for better photographs, anyway. Honest and all.

Lacy and the ubiquitous rawhide chip. She's as bad as Telly Savalas with his sucker.

Daisy was in the oregano patch. She looked pretty there so I asked her to hold still and let me get a fetching image.

Lily fell asleep next to me on the couch. As she slept, she slid, ever so slowly, headfirst off the couch. She never did wake up.

Rosie and Lacy were on the couch. Rosie was gnawing on her back leg and Lacy was turned watching. When I called their names they turned their heads toward me, only Rosie's ear didn't want to turn.

The Demon Spawn

2006-08-17T08:31:00.000-04:00

Sweet Daddio has a dog. Her name is Lacy and she is a black and tan longhaired miniature dachshund. Or maybe a small standard, I don't remember. Anyway, Lacy is the canine equivalent of a Demon Spawn from Heck. She's not really bad enough to be from Hell, but she is working on her Masters Degree in Mind Manipulation and, to me, that makes her from Heck.

She is physically quite lovely, with a tri-colored glossy coat and long feathers on her tail and belly. She is mostly black, with rust colored markings on her face and legs, and platinum blonde highlights on her belly and the underside of her tail. She looks like some sort of very sophisticated punk rocker with an account at Jose's in Beverly Hills.

Lacy likes to talk. When she has something important to say, she sits about 4 feet away from you and goes "Yomp." She'll then glare for a minute, and "Yomp." again. If that fails to spur you to her desired action (chew bone, please, or maybe a biscuit, or, failing that, a medium rare rib-eye will suffice), she gets down on her belly and gives you the Demon Spawn From Heck Glare of Persuasion. I, of course, am immune to such tactics. Sweet Daddio is not, and she knows this.

She is capable of a whole range of emotive facial expression.

She can look coy.

This is how she looks when in Demonic Mode. It's not the flash making her eyes red. They really do that. Reaaaaally.

She is capable of a disarming sweetness.

Most of the time she just looks sneaky.

As an antidote for all this exposure to such duplicitousness, I offer you a picture of the dog that Lacy Doppelgangers. This is Rosie, my dog, and a sweeter, more ingenuous creature you'll never meet. She hasn't a malicious bone in her body. No one would ever dream of accusing her of being Demon Spawn, because she's a Perfect Angel, the Pollyanna of the canine world, A Tootsie Roll compared to Lacy's liter of Jose' Cuervo Gold. Rosie is Generous and Kind and never, ever sneaky or self-serving.

This is her "humans are stupid and if I just do my ears they'll think I'm perfect" look. Fortunately for me, she is unaware that her eyes turn red when she's plotting something sinister.

Maybe 2 hours a day, she ian't into any trouble, she's not planning a coup d'etat in a small African nation, or chewing something up then blaming another dog for the mess.

So that's Lacy. Lord, it's like having a precocious 10 year old in the house all day. An Entitled precocious 10 yr old. With an overdeveloped sense of worth. Geez.

It's been a while but I'm back, for now

2006-08-07T10:34:00.000-04:00

With more weinerdog bliss!
Yesterday, it got very, very quiet. It was around 2 pm, and I'd been busy ding whatever it is that I do, and noticed the Peace and Quiet.

No growling, no yarking or yomping, no sound of furniture being gnawed or small plastic objects being mauled. I felt no tongues on the back of my leg, nor did I trip over something soft and furry. Indeed, all was peace and quiet. I looked around, and here's why:

Lily

Lacy

Daisy

Rosy

If I didn't know better, I'd be horrified by the carnage and devastation. Instead, I sighed "aw...so sweeeeet" and immortalized the moment with my camera. It didn't last, but I can prove it's possible to non-believers. I hereby swear on the last bottle of beer that these pictures were taken within a 1 minute period of time.

No, I haven't lost my mind.

2006-03-26T13:10:00.000-05:00

Meet my adopted sisters. Coco and Maggie.

My parents, recently retired and cognisant of Wienerdog Bliss, wished to partake of the Bliss themselves. Plus Mom wanted someone to keep her company whilst Dad occupied himself in the blacksmith shop. So they went to the self-same breeder where we adopted Rosie, and purchased themselves a pair of wienerdogs, half-sisters to Rosie and sharing many of her characteristics. Such as wanky ears.

They are personable little dogs. Coco is adventurous and cocky, taking on all comers and fearing no one. She resembles my Lacy very much, personality -wise. Maggie is more cautious, approaching life, strange dogs and unfamilar toys with equal parts curiosity and trepidation. She also has this gawdawful high pitched helium filled bark that makes me want to run to the nearest muzzle and sew it tightly around her snout.

They are, essentially, sweet natured dogs, affectionate like dachshunds should be. Our dogs get along with them pretty well, once the butt sniffing is finished and they've learned which toys they can play with. My parents are planning a 2 week trip to Scotland this summer, and are Allowing us to babysit Coco and Maggie for the duration. can you imagine 6 screaming wienerdogs in one household?? Good thing it's Summer and I'll have household help. I suppose it will be a chance to find out if we really have reached our threshold with 4, or if we should seek out some more.

2006-03-02T14:54:00.000-05:00

I was going to do a cute and witty little post about weinerdog noses, how they are prehensile, and how they have their own little brains that lead the bigger, more intelligent rest of the weinerdog down the road to perdition. I was going to include photographs of said noses. I tried, truly I did, but...well. everytime I put the camera down low to get a good look-see, the nose would immediately apply itself to the lens, rendering the photograph an uninterpretable blur with maybe an occasionable eyeball for reference. they just move to much and they think the camera is a great flashing slab of beef jerky that must be licked. Any other time they would sit, looking picturesque and ladylike. oh well. maybe later

If Weinerdogs were bread

2006-02-24T09:24:00.000-05:00

I compared them to candy, now, due to lack of sleep and it being Friday so I'm all caught up on laundry and cleaning, I am going to compare the Household Li'l Darlins to other things.

Bread.
Rosie (the tootsie roll) would be a crusty french roll.

Daisy (the peanut brittle) would be an artisan loaf of whole wheat bread sweetened with honey.

Lily (the marshmallow peep) would be cheap white sandwich bread.

Lacy (the snickers bar) would be Cinnamon Raisin bread, lightly toasted and slathered with real butter.

Vegetables
Rosie: a small dish of baby pattypan squash, gently steamed and sprinkled with fresh chopped parsley

Daisy: an eggplant, one of those big ones, sliced, brushed with olive oil and sprinkled with chopped oregano and kosher salt, and grilled.

Lily: a can of plain Pringles

Lacy: succotash, made with fresh off the cob corn and edemame instead of lima beans.

Meat:

Rosie: a roasted Cornish hen, stuffed with an orange

Daisy: a Beef tenderloin, crusted with horseradish and black pepper, roasted rare

Lily: a package of cheap baloney

Lacy: Venison chili, from scratch, lots of cumin and red pepper and maybe chipotles if there are any in the pantry.

Fruit:

Rosie:a ladyfinger banana

Daisy: a papaya

Lily: a bowl of cherry jello

Lacy: a granny smith apple, slightly underripe

Flowers:

Rosie: a marigold, small and consistantly cheerful

Daisy: A zinnia, one of the big ones that looks like a party on a stem, orange, sturdy, and dependable, lasts for 2 weeks in a vase

Lily: a hothouse rose, lovely to look at but no fragrance

Lacy: a Pat Austin English rose: large and sturdy, with an open character and phenomenal fragrance

Fabric:

Rosie: cotton calico, navy blue background with flowers in pink and lavender

Daisy: cotton canvas-16 oz, unbleached and undyed, emminently practical and attractive in it's own unassuming way

Lily: silk chiffon, lovely and soft and good for nothing except being pretty

Lacy: a hand knit afghan of lightweight wool/angora blend yarns

Cars:
Rosie: a Ford Fiesta, tiny and practical, royal blue, with the perpetual sack of groceries in the back.

Daisy: a Chevy Tahoe, large and practical. Not great gas milage but everyone wants one, loaded with all the neighbors kids, a couple of pets, and a cooler full of sodas to share.

Lily: a Mazda Miata. not practical for anything but fun to have, silver with a black top, and Jackie O sunglasses hanging from the mirror.

Lacy: a 1964 Chevy Impala customized into a iridescent purple with light teal flames hydrolically enhanced Lowrider, bump and grind stereo, tufted teal green upholstery and an 8-ball gear shift knob

And so ends my list for the day.

If she were a candy, she'd be...

2006-02-15T14:34:00.000-05:00

Rosie would be a tootsie roll...small and hard, but sweet. Simple, with a single purpose. One knows what one is getting with Rosie.

Daisy would be something substantial and honest. Peanut brittle.

Lily...well. Lily would be a Marshmallow Peep.

and then comes Lacy. She is uncompromising, complex, and chunky. Lacy is a King Sized Snickers Bar.

Portrait of Weinerdogs

2006-01-25T15:42:00.000-05:00

Wienerdogs have silly and expressive faces. Catching them on camera can be tricky, but if you know what makes them yawn or stick their tongues out, you can catch them in some less-than-dignified expressions.

GNAWS! (with humble apologies to JAWS)

must keep the tongue carefully to the side so as not to inadvertently chomp it.

I'm innocent, see me smile innocently like an innocent li'l doggie?

She truly is channeling Gene Simmons. She has the hair, she has the mask, and she has the tongue.

Profile of a Dachshund, Digital Art by Famed Photographer Rootietoot

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PUBLISHED THAT PICTURE OF ME ON THE INTERNET! WITHOUT ASKING!

HAW! *snort* HAW! You published that picture of her on the internet!

And finally...

What weighs 35 pounds and sounds like a quartet of drunk lumberjacks at a chainsaw convention?

Lily! O! Lily! Where Art Thy Brains?

2006-01-14T15:16:00.000-05:00

Lily is a recently aquired Weinerdog. She is handsomely pedigreed, with a long and illustrious ancestry and the physique of a supermodel. She is sweet natured, if pushy, and has a highly developed sense of entitlement. She is a canine Paris Hilton. We briefly considered naming her Paris, but decided against it, since no one will remember Ms. Hilton in 5 years and folk would wonder why we named a dog after an overrated city in France.

She is remarkably photogenic creature, but thanks to the advent of digital photography and the freedom it affords, I have been able to capture her prodigious goofy side. It is the part of her personality that allows us to forgive the avaricious facet of her nature.

Enjoy these Pictures of Lily (kudos to the first person unrelated to me who can name the reference)

She's Feminine and Dainty in All She Does.

She's Lovely and As Substantial as Whipped Air

She's Talented! She Dances!

She Sings!

She has Attitude (talk to the hand)

She is utterly self-assured.

except when she's not...

My Dog Is an Alien

2006-01-08T17:10:00.000-05:00

I have a leetle "doggie". Her name is Rosie, she weighs a hefty 6 pounds, and she is actually an alien pretending to be a doggie. I know this because I can look at her and see that she is, in some nebulous way, falling short of actual "doggyness" and landing squarely in the "looks like could potentially be a dog but the jury is still out" category.

Physically, she falls short in just about every way. Technically she is a pedigreed weiner dog, with fine papers and a heritage that rivals Prince Charles. In reality, everything is slightly off. Her ears have these funky folds that make them stick out straight sideways, so from behind she resembles a toreodor's hat.

Sometimes they lay back alongside her head, like the wings of a wasp. They never, ever, hang down floppy like a fit and proper weiner dog. Her eyes are just slightly too large for their sockets, so she looks perpetually surprised. Then again, she's kind of dumb so she may actually be perpetually surprised. Her chest is thick, lacking the prominent keelbone necessary for weiner dogs to look normal. Her body is slightly too short, and her tail is lumpy and stiff, sticking straight out from her behind instead of hanging down.

Her way of movement involves entirely too much effort to be natural. When she runs, her tail wags in sinc with her legs, but when she is happy, her tail curls to the left around her hindquarter, vibrates for 5 seconds or so, then curls to the right, and vibrates again. All this while attempting but failing to say something meaningful either in Dog or English :"aaaaahhhhrrrrRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHrrrrrraaaaaaahhh...!"

She doesn't bark in a normal way, rather, she starts a prolonged wail punctuated by gasps for air and the frantic beating of her front paws on the floor. Even our other, proper weiner dog, Daisy, looks at Rosie as if to wonder "jest whut in the HAIL are yew doin'??"

Now, for all her physical shortcomings and oddities, Rosie is sweetness personified...or make that doggified. She shares. Have you ever known a weiner dog that shares? She'll bite a dog biscuit in half and give you part of it. She'll grab a toy and wave in front of your feet until you pick it up and play with it. She'll ask POLITELY (aaaarrrrhhhh..?)for a tasty nibble. Weiner dogs are never polite when food is involved. This quality alone can confirm her dubious heritage.

The one, true, weiner dog quality she does have is her love of burrowing. Weiner dog bliss is achieved by throwing down a blanket and letting them dive under it and root around. Bigger bliss happens when you throw them under the bed covers and they discover your naked toes. Weiner dogs have velvet tongues with noticeable lack of slobber. And they love to do doggie kisses. Well...even there she shows abnormality. She will stick out her tongue, attach it to some random body part (toes, hand, back of knee) and leave it there, as if velcroed to the spot. She'll give you that wall-eyed look as if to say "he'p...my ton' i' 'tuck", then roll her tongue back up and tuck it it her snout. She has a very long tongue. It has been postulated that her tongue is the reason for her lack of intellect, for she must roll the whole thing up and fit it in her head, leaving no room for brain. It's a thought.

At any rate, if she is a genuine Alien Pretender, then she's a benevolent alien, and she's licking my toes.

This is a reprint of a post from over a year ago, on another blog. Rosie has since developed brains, but she is still weird. She has also developed a most unusual gait. She runs normally with her front legs, and tucks one back leg up and hops on the other. We thought perhaps she had hip problems on one leg, but since she doesn't discriminate between legs, and will in fact alternate hopping legs, we decided she's just energy-efficient.

Ode to Rebeccah

2005-12-15T09:39:00.000-05:00

Rebeccah (or 'Bec' for short, and she also answered to the rattle of a cracker box) was the first Rootietoot Household Weinerdog.

She had the personality of Queen Victoria: Imperious with Very Short Legs

If she was irritated with you, she'd squint and snort through her generously sized nose.

She was Sweet Daddio's girl, and if she ever obeyed anyone, she'd obey him. That's a baby Rosie on his shoulder.

If she didn't think you were looking, she'd roll Rosie around like a squeak toy.

Then she'd let Rosie tumble her.

That was Rebeccah, Queen of the Backyard.

I just couldn't get to the camera in time.

2005-12-11T19:18:00.000-05:00

I really don't think there is anything sillier than a dachshund humping something.

Even funnier is a conga line of dachshunds humping, one after the other, banging away unsatisfactorily, since they're all girls.

All she needs is a tattoo of a hula dancer

2005-11-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

You know, for all her delicate mannerisms, Miss Lily sure can show some...hm...less than ladylike behaviors.

I had trouble sleeping last night, so came downstairs to listen to quiet music and try to relax. All 4 dogs were in bed with #3, so I "borrowed" Lily for company in the hours of dark-whatever.

Before jumping in my lap she located a rawhide chip. Once up she proceeded to grunt and slurp her way through 2 am, then, discarding the chip, worked halfway though 3 am belching and farting like a stevedore. Then she decided conversation was the agenda for the latter half of 3 am and first quarter of 4. Punctuating her "words" with still more gaseous emmission, she was pleased with herself. I decided that yes, she is Dear Departed Lucy in a smaller package.

See, look for yourself.

Lucy

Lily

Lucy (and #3)

Weinerdog Aggression

2005-11-28T16:55:00.000-05:00

Their personalities are starting to show, those new pups of ours. Lily, the 2 yr old female, is...well...Prissy. She's dainty in her methods, ladylike of demeanor, and she swishes her tail when she walks. No, correction, she doesn't walk, she Prisses. I do believe she is absolutely channeling the spirit of Dear Departed Lucy. She even has the same flutey bark and aversion to public pooping. I gave her a Chip- a rawhide slab for doggies to gnaw on when bored. She sniffed it, looked at it, gave it a lick, and asked for permission.

Weinerdogs are famous for their affectionate nature. Sometimes they are aggressively so. Sometimes they'll render the object of their affections completely powerless.

Weinerdogs are also notoriously sensitive. One must be very careful about showing favoritism, or one will get nasty looks and disgusting little gifts in their shoe.

If they want to show you love, they will show you love. Don't even bother trying to fight it. You won't win.

From Bliss to Nirvana

2005-11-27T13:34:00.000-05:00

We did it. Sweet Daddio hauled off and did something so impetuous, so completely silly that we're all performing the ridiculous mouth motions and uttering smooshy baby talk like a house full of fools. Which is what we are. A house full of fools ruled completely by an entire herd of weinerdogs.

Yesterday, SD decided that we were suffering WDDD. (weinerdog deficit disorder. Not covered by the DSM-IV but should be). Not wanting us to suffer a moment longer than necessary, he, being the good and responsible husband and father that he is, contacted a breeder of High Class weinerdogs in the nearby state of South Carolina, and was informed that there were, indeed, several dogs available for adoption.

So we made the 2-1/2 hour trip in a state of high anxiety and excitement, wondering and hoping to find a dog that liked us. We arrived to be greeted by a portly springer spaniel, who escorted us to the backyard where Weinerdog Central was located. Man alive. 4 litters of pups, in various stages of developement ranging from Vienna Sausage to Jumbo Bratwurst. I was immediately greeted by a lovely young lady who seemed to be channeling the sweet and gentle spirit of Lucy, my pointer of 12 years recently departed. This doe-eyed creature velcroed herself to my leg and showed me all around the kennel, all the babies, all the mamas, the fishtank, and the food bin. SD located a 3 month old pup that had attracted his attention on the internet. The man is a sucker for long hair, and even tho we didn't arrive with the intention of coming home with a puppy as well as an adult, that's what we did.

After a stop at PetSmart for collars, leashes, food, and bowls, we came home. Lily road in my lap the entire way. She's the one who channels Lucy, and who we went there with the intention of adopting. The pup is named Lacey, and seems happiest in #3's lap, and apparently slept with him last night completely without any sort of incident involving bodily fluids. Good Dog!

Now for Pictures.

This is Lily, she's 2 years old, unbelievably sweet natured and affectionate, and has spent the last day and 1/2 within 3 feet of me at all times. I think I'm hers.

This is Lacey, a 3 month old long haired dachsund. She do love #3.

I'm trying to get a picture of everyone together in their Christmas finery, but I'm telling ya, it's like trying to herd ducks.

Rosie, mildly offended that I'm taking a picture of her arse.

Daisy, Noble Hound

Sweet Daddio installed a pet door, otherwise my entire time would be taken with letting dogs in and out all day.
Daisy is unsure.

Dog Heaven

2005-11-13T17:36:00.000-05:00

The weinerdogs were busy this morning, honing their landscaping skills.

Rosie installing a drainage trench.

Daisy supervises.

Daisy inspects the internal structure.

Rosie starts a new project.

She finds an obstacle.

She approaches from another angle.

Progress shows.

She flings with glee and enthusiasm, certain of acceptance into the Army Corps of Engineers.

How To Humiliate a WeinerDog

2005-11-09T14:22:00.000-05:00

Why are you doing this to me?

Dayum-She made you wear it,too?

I'm not looking at you.

I'm still not looking at you.

Houndawgs On Parade

2005-10-28T11:16:00.000-04:00

Houndawgies are Noble Beasts, brave and resiliant, taking on all threats with a fearless heart and a canny mind. Not Wienerdoggies, tho. They're li'l furry wussies.

Daisy The Noble Hound, she aims to serve and protect the Masters House with fierce dignity and a singleminded purpose.

Daisy wants in. There's food In, there's blankets In, and there's laps In.

Daisy assumes The Food Aquisition Pose.

Rosie and Daisy both recognize the value of food in the hands of a sucker.

The way to get a shot like this is to tape a Cheeto to the top of the camera lens.

WeinerDog Bliss Take 2

2005-10-20T17:27:00.000-04:00

Rebeccah, Original Rootietoot Household WeinerDog and Keeper of Peace, Protector of Edibles

She came to us, little more than a vienna sausage with ears, in 1996, left us for the Great Sock Heap in the Sky in 2004. We miss her!

Rebeccah and Rosie, Fall 2004

Rosie and Daisy, Public Display of Affection

Daisy looking goofy

True Weinerdog Bliss